There's a filthy monster in my book bag

 

An inviting first page...don't you just want to touch it?





Poor tatty, scribbled on Monster school stamped 1984

Great cellotape-enhanced illustrations by Quentin Blake 

New Monster, please

After a one-off new book last week, filthy Monster turns up in Luke's book bag, taking us back to the grubby, tatty ancient books that we've grown to love. Wear gloves to read to this and dozens of other filthy adventures illustrated by the fantastic Quentin Blake.

Luke's verdict: I love Monster but the books are always dirty.


Holy moly...it's a brand new book!

First new book in six years

No cellotape or stain in sight

Is this the first of many new school books?

Cinderella

 

Get out the party poppers and crackle open a bag of Haribos...it's the first new book to grace the kids' book bags in six years. Apparently, money has been spent on buying new books. Hoorah! But does this mean the dog-eared, dirt-encrusted books we've grown to love will be consigned to the recyling bin?

 

Dirty Babies



Mmm...lovely puppies but would you like to touch them?

 

 

 

More photos of dogs on dog-eared pages

Looks like she's spilt some of her milk

 

from all the bacteria on the pages

 

Now wash your hands.

 

 

Babies

 

Babies is so dirty that it looks as if the animals have come to life and rampaged over the book, eating and soiling it.

 

 

Six-year-old Kirsty's verdict: Eeee...yuk.

Don't want to touch it

Cellotape and dirt are holding this book together

Is the weather to blame for the state of this book?

Has it really fallen apart 'quickly'?

 

 

Or is it because it dates from 1974...

 

                                   which makes it nearly 40 years old.

Silly Billys

Two brothers take sharing to extreme measures injuring themselves in the process.
Apparently school books fall apart 'quickly' because they're taken out of school in all weathers...nothing to do with being antiques.
 
Samuel's verdict: It's yucky. I don't want to touch it.

School's definition of quickly:  Anything happening over a period of 40 years.

 

The rest of the world's definition of quickly: at a fast speed, rapidly.

Another 70s classic held together by cellotape

Just about beats grandma's knitting a hat adventure

A club that looks like a chicken leg

Rubbish grandpa

Why don't they just eat him or the cellotape?

Grandpa goes hunting

Samuel's verdict: Poo

Laurie's verdict: I thought I'd never have the bad luck to see this book again. It's even worse than I remembered.

Farts, feathers or hot air?

 

Chef points at the strange gas being emitted from the top of the General's helmet

 

 

 

 

Though her pony doesn't look so happy

 

 

The Mascot 

 

A marching band come across a range of unsuitable animals in their search for a mascot until they find Mary and her pony. First printed in 1978 with a school stamp from 1991, making this book at least 22 years old at our school and by no means the oldest. Some parents who went to the school as kids are now bringing back the same turgid rubbish that they had to read. Old books aren't a problem if they're as charming as this one but many just aren't worth rescuing with cellotape.

 

Luke's verdict: Why has he got farts coming out of his head?

 

Stupid lips



One too many botox sessions?
 

Hair not princely enough

Cinderella

Ugly sisters sport bizarre lips plates usually only seen on tribespeople like those of the Brazilian Kayopo tribe in this version of the classic fairytale.

Seven-year-old Genevieve's verdict: The illustrations are awful - the ugly sisters' lips look ridiculous. They're not funny. Cinerella doesn't look pretty and the Prince has stupid hair. They are trying to make it interesting for children but in fact they spoil the story which everyone normally loves. The story was quite good and I liked reading the different parts.