Thursday 18 April 2013

So secret that its title must never be read


Trouble at the Secret R by James W



Another levitating friend from the late 70s 





Dodgy-looking robber

Dodgy-looking builder



Dodgy-looking robber foiled by dodgy-looking builder




But hairy monkey likes Charlie's look


And reconstructs poses and scenes



from the scintillating Trouble at the Secret R


Trouble at the Secret R

Where to start? The title of the book is missing because the front is so worn away and several pages in the middle have come loose from this turgid tale about tea chests, a turnip carved into a scary face, a builder called Charlie and some robbers who are trying to steal his tools. 

Samuel's verdict: The people look gross. They have stupid hair. 

Sunday 7 April 2013

Can't touch this...without feeling nauseous

Stinky Mandrake's Castle has seen better days - 31 years ago, perhaps, when it was first bought by the school?
It's a stains 'n' cellotape special


with torn, tattered and soapy pages



so welcoming to a young reader


because not only is it delightful to touch


but it features Alan Tremaine


            Who? What? Why?


Mandrake's Castle
(from Tim and the Hidden in Grime Illustrations series)

A double whammy of rubbishness. Gross to touch with pages so frayed and soapy that they're difficult to find, let alone turn. And the story is incredibly boring, despite Tim and his friends being locked up in a castle by creepy Mandrake. It also makes little sense when another creepy man named Alan Tremaine turns up at the end without any explanation, and invites Tim and friends into his house. Have they learnt their don't-go-into-strangers' houses-ever-again lesson? Of course not. They accept even though no-one has made any reference to this Alan Tremaine in the previous 30 odd pages. And weirder still, the writer insists on referring to him as Alan Tremaine for the remainder of the book, believing that children are fascinated by this Alan Tremaine and his every movement. So we have a whole paragraph dedicated to Alan Tremaine making a cup of tea and setting it on a table in excruciating detail. On a par with Sammy's New Yellow Jumper

 
Samuel's verdict: I don't like reading it. It smells. I can't find the pages to turn.